I grew up in the church.  In fact, some of my earliest memories are sitting with Miss Patsy, the childcare worker, while my parents attended a church meeting.  As a result of weekly church attendance, I learned many stories from the Bible. I memorized Bible verses.  Yes, I was the annoying classmate who knew all the answers to the teacher’s questions.

 

I knew the story of how Jesus had died on the cross to forgive me of my sins.  I knew he was raised from the dead three days later.  I believed the story to be true.

 

Even as a school-aged girl, I knew Jesus wanted me to be good and do good things.  I did my best to accomplish those goals.  I was, by all counts, a “good” girl.  Even as a high school student, I avoided the party scene and did not engage in other worldly behaviors.  As a young adult, I continued to make church a priority—but God was nowhere in my heart.  

 

I can honestly say I wasn’t trying to fake anybody out.  As far as I knew, I was living the Christian life.  I failed to understand, though, the difference between following a religion and following a Person (Jesus); between following rules and living in a relationship with the Lord.  So I continued doing what I knew to do:  I was a “good girl.”

 

My intention wasn’t to earn my salvation.  That was never my thought process. Now, however, I recognize I had been deceived by the enemy, blinded my own “goodness.”  I didn’t even know I was merely living a set of rules!  

 

Then, my sins started bothering me.  Even though others considered me a “good” person, I knew God was fully aware of struggles in my heart other people could not see.  Among other things, I had lied, developed bad habits and hurt people through careless words.

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God showed me how desperately I needed him because of the sin in my heart.  

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